Poems · Published Poems

The Last Year of His Life

The Last Year of His Life
My brother and I clean out Dad’s room
at the assisted living facility.
Six bags full of
paper: shopping lists, letters
magazines: Physics, Science
receipts: utility bills, credit card

I use a few bags to cover framed photos
to take home. Mt. Denali, the pileated
woodpecker picture I gave him for Christmas.

In a black lawn bag, we stuff
the suit he wore to Mom’s memorial,
sweat pants, his khakis, shirts, items
we thought Goodwill could use.

The Maynard
4/2014

Poems · Published Poems

HOPSCOTCH

HOPSCOTCH
Who taught me to use chalk to draw the pattern
on the pavement, how to use one foot in the single blocks,
two in the double and in the circle at the top?

I played while waiting for the bus,
picked out that lucky piece of gravel,
hopped from square to square,
missed the one with the marker,
no stepping on the lines.

Now I need to lean against something
just to put on my pants. I take a walking pole
on bird trips to balance on the rocky path,
and to help me get up that slick slope.

I don’t try to hop the pattern
at the playground.

Boston Literary Magazine
9/2014

Poems · Published Poems

Elegy for My Horse

Elegy for My Horse
It was December when you floated like driftwood
onto the snow leaving your blood behind. I promised
myself just one glance at your ashes in that bronze box.

It seems like yesterday when you and I soared
over the brush jump, counted strides between the fences,
ran with the hounds after the fox, rode along the Ohio.

Wind toyed with your mane, your eyes, dark as chocolate,
closed as your heart stopped its beat. I wanted to catch
you as you flew towards the sun but I could not keep up.

I don’t want my ashes left in a box sitting
on the mantel piece. I want them thrown into the wind,
falling into the ocean, returning to the world’s blood.

Muddy River Poetry Review
Fall 2014

Poems · Published Poems

Chocolate Pudding

Chocolate Pudding
heat 2 cups milk until just boiling
Only have 1 ¾ cups regular milk, wonder if a little buttermilk will work
haven’t had it since I don’t know when
when milk ready, pour in mix, remove from heat
stir constantly until thickened.
Mom put the pudding in small ramekins of which I have one
I put it in a big bowl
put plastic wrap on top to prevent a skin from forming
Mom never did that, neither do I

I eat a bit when it is still warm,
let it cool and put it in the fridge.
It’s cold now.
I break through the skin,
it’s as creamy as Mom’s.
I remember more chocolate.

Southern Women’s Review
1/2014

Poems · Published Poems

Burying My Horse

Burying My Horse
“It’s my fault.”
Dad’s face, gray with teared eyes.
“Big Red is dead”.
I held onto the counter.
It is November, I am in the kitchen loading
the dishwasher with the breakfast plates.
Must be about 12.

“Mr. Shannon will use his bulldozer
to dig the hole.” Dad won’t let me go
until it is dug. He doesn’t want me
to see the body taken back to the site.
I imagine my horse on his side,
legs stuck straight out,
a chain around him,
the ‘dozer dragging him.

Diesel fumes and smell of freshly
scraped earth,
a cold body rests
on the naked ground.

Dirt covers Big Red.

Avalon Literary Review
9/14

Poems · Published Poems

Becoming My Parents

Becoming My Parents
I never thought it would happen: the little things.
Mom kept a sherbet tub for trash
by the sink, the garbage can being several feet away.
I use empty containers, oat meal boxes,
bread wrappers. She made lists for everything,
grocery, errands to run, what I was to take back
on my return to North Carolina. I use the backs
of envelopes to start poems, lists of chores, calls to be made.

Dad didn’t much care how he dressed;
he wore Dickies pants and shirts, khaki only.
Dressing up was putting on a short sleeved shirt
to go to Shoney’s. My brother bought him a suit
to wear at Mom’s visitation, I had to go to Wal-mart
to get something to wear to Dad’s. In his last days, he wore
his slippers everywhere. I live in my blue jeans and T-shirts,
dressing up is a good pair of blue jeans and frayed Lands’ End shirts.
I brought his slippers home.

Muddy River Poetry Review
Fall 2014

Poems · Published Poems

BURBON

BURBON
It is late afternoon and I have a coke and bourbon over ice in hand.
Butter is melting and the popcorn blossoms from dry kernels.br>
Carefully, I fill the glass to the proper line, add ice, then coke.
I wait for the bubbles to deflate, add more soda if needed

Try to watch the report on the legislature but they are all liars and cheats.
I flip over to the Food Network and watch chefs on Chopped.

All day, I dug a hole, deep and dark, and fell in. That first swallow
goes down so smooth, the hole beings to fill and I climb up and almost out.

No matter that the drink will clamp my brain in a vice, a knife stab my eye,
for now, I will enjoy the oaken liquor going down slow.

Ghazel Pagge
December 2013

Poems · Published Poems

Typing Mom’s Letters

Typing Mom’s Letters
The black lamp hovers over ruled papers
and blue ink, all 70 years old.
Wrapped in paper, the rolled up letters were dated
1941 to 1942. A Webster’s International Dictionary
sits on top of them to straighten them out;
then I iron them. To keep them flat as I transcribe them,
I read through her Pyrex baking dish.

Shining onto a college life of Physics, German,
Sunday movies, the lamp reminds me of a giraffe:
neck curved over the letters, its beam a tongue of light.
.
The Belle Reve Literary Review
April 2013
Editor’s choice

Poems · Published Poems

DREAMS

DREAMS
I
Flying

At night, I would spring from my bed, run and jump
off the cliff. Spreading my arms, I soared higher and higher,
above the metal giants that strung wire across the country,
high enough to see all the earth. I would corkscrew
lower and lower until I had to flap my arms
to rise above the towers. Sometimes, I would fly over England-
green pastures crisscrossed with gray stone fences
and little white dots.

One night, I saw my town being eaten by a dragon;
houses, the hardware store, the grocery. I teased
the monster towards the gas station. It bit into the pumps,
intense flames engulfed it but it would not die.
After several dreams, I freed the town.

II
Night Scenes

I wake after a trip to the world’s
smallest grocery. You can’t use a cart
but there we are, jostling them
through aisles. The grocery is stocked
with unearthly fruits and vegetables.
I buy ghostly tubers, two at a time,
no matter I can’t use them. Sometimes
they are jarred in oil. Bread is hundreds
of feet away. Left my basket somewhere,
maybe it is in the road under a tree.

Turn over into sleep again,
I am across the stream from Sara.
I have tight-roped across a log and she wants
to come over. I am talking to her, no matter
that I really don’t like her and speak to her
as little as possible when awake. She won’t walk
across the log.

My hip and knee are knifed with pain,
I turn over again, no telling
where I will end up.

III
Restaurants at Night
i
Fashioned after the market stalls of Europe,
the first one serves sandwiches.
People are always there, inside and out. I have to yell
to place my order, then drive by to pick it up.
After that, I drive around-not in circles-but in a cobbled square;
same square each time. All left turns, then all right
and sometimes, left, right, left. I never eat my sandwich,
it just vanishes while I drive around that square.
Some nights the shop is in a tree lined college town.
I walk through a brick science building; find a grassy field
with a church. Other nights, it is in a dusty country town
with a parade, kids sitting on Dads’ shoulders.

ii
Next, a five star restaurant. Fine linen: red, white, or both,
silver and candles on each table. I never eat here,
just go down the stairs, the clientele stare at me,
I am dressed for the barn.
This place is always in the middle,
whether the eateries are stacked or on the same plane.

iii

The third one is the most complex, a floating dock and grill with bar,
a swimming area that may or may not have canoes.
I get settled on a bar stool; peanuts and bourbon within easy reach.
Between drinks, I walk along a cedar lined trail
that opens into a desert valley like the Grand Canyon. I clamber
about on rock walls; layered with muted brown and tan.
Other visits find me on a cool, leafy trail to a cave.
I turn around and come back.

IV
Cleaning Susan’s Lot
I’m here with Fred and Dad
to clean up her lot. We mark
out a triangle whose tip ends in the creek.
I forgot my high boots. Tires, plastic garbage can lid
hang in the detritus of many floods. Styrofoam cups,
beer cans, we haul it all out into the dumpsters.

No mind that there never was a house
we start on it. We organize the clothes,
put them above the flood line. Maybe have a yard sale,
give the toys to a pre-school. The radio’s FM antenna
is taped to the floor, I rip it up, and coil it on top like a snake.

V
Waking

I don’t know how I get to these places
or how I leave. As a child I could fly
now I am grounded in grocery stores.
And how can restaurants be stacked three high?
Some nights I end at that colorful canyon or the cave.
Other nights I am left standing at the church.
And how can black be opaque?

Static Movement Feb 2013